The Male Baby

My child is undoubtedly male.  And I am not saying this for his looks (male-pattern hair loss) or his single-minded focus on the female breast.


James’ first passport picture looking like a 4 week old criminal. 

When I lie next to him at night I may as well lie next to an obese and middle-aged alcoholic with nasal polyps and bad manners.  How these deep and loud growls, grunts and sighs can come out of this angelic little person weighing just about 4 kg will always remain a mystery to me.  And let’s not even mention his ear-battering snoring, farting and burping.  It provides an endless source of entertainment for us loving parents.

Even if I dressed James in pink ruffles and lace, I would not be able to induce any doubt in his gender. Somehow (worryingly) I can already picture him in his middle age (with the same male-pattern hair loss) sitting in front of the TV in his underwear watching football, scratching his balls and drinking beer from the bottle.

I had no idea that newborns display their gender so clearly.  Or is the loud grunting, growling and snoring a baby thing, and not related to gender?  When I met up recently with some of the new mothers of my antenatal class, the two boys were grunting away, while even the little girls’ burps and winds sounded so much more baby-like and cute.


James’ first friends. 

What is your experience with male and female babies? And… when do they start being a bit more quiet?


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