In the first few months all you get back in return for all the love, affection and time you put into your new arrival is a seemingly never-ending series of sleepless night and heaps of dirty nappies.
Not that it matters at this stage when you are all lovey-dovey, your organism flooded with oxytocin, but nevertheless it’s so rewarding and beautiful when there is suddenly some reaction to mama and even some little signs of affection. It starts with a smile reciprocated (is there anything more touching than your baby smiling at you?), a face lightening up when you enter the room and crying suddenly stopping when you gently cradle your baby into your arms.
Slowly there are physical signs of affection developing as well. (At least I interpret them as signs of affection, one way to stay sane with a baby who hasn’t slept through the night for more than 3 months).
There is a little baby head leaned against your shoulder, or snuggled towards your neck if a stranger is approaching. (“Mama you are my safe haven”).
And, if you are still breastfeeding, you will experience the wandering hand, soft and chubby, clumsily stroking your cheek or your other breast. (Stroking the other breast could of course also have to do with the fact that Jamie is, albeit small, a man). However, Jamie hasn’t quite figured out the difference between gentle touching and brutal force. (“Mama is so nice and soft and warm and smells of food. I wonder what happens when I dig my sharp little nails into her skin. I’m sure she is going to love it… Hahaha that’s so funny, she screams, I have to try that again!”)
And then there it is! The first baby kiss! It is the absolute pinnacle of cuteness, when baby reaches out, pulls your face towards him and gives you a moist and gummy kiss in the middle of your face. But also there lots has yet to be learned: (“I kiss mama because she is so nice and I love her so much. Hold on, what is this strange thing in the middle of her face? I have been wondering about this forever. I’m sure if I suck on it, milk will come out. There couldn’t possibly be any other explanation for its existence. No doesn’t work. I’ll be damned! Maybe it’s edible, I should bite into it. Hahaha, mama screams again, that’s so funny!”)
My face is covered in scratches (can anyone tell me how to cut nails so that they are not so sharp?), my nose hurts and don’t even ask about my right breast. I’m just glad that Jamie doesn’t have teeth yet!